Rumpledum and The Beautiful Window

by Hugh Emerson

Once upon a time there was a quaint little village. In the center of the Village was a church, and the church had a big, beautiful stained glass window. The Window wasn't that much more beautiful than other windows in other churches, but the people of the Village cherished it mightily.

One winter a rumor went around the Village that there were Bad People in a neighboring village who might possibly harm the Window, and the Village leaders assembled in the church to address the problem. It was decided that what they needed was a Night Watchman, and they wrote up a contract thus:

"The signer of this contract will watch the Window during the night hours in order to protect it from harm. The people of the Village will each contribute a little in compensation for this service."
They sent a committee through the Village to look for the right person for the job, and the list of applicants was quickly narrowed down to two. One applicant was a rather large man named Rumpledum who was (to put it diplomatically) named for his appearance and his intelligence, and the other applicant was a small girl named Windowgirl who was named for her fondness of the Window. (Obviously, the people in the Village weren't very imaginative when it came to names.)

Well, you know from the title of the story who got the job -- Rumpledum was awarded the coveted job, and he commenced sitting in the church night after night to fulfill his important duty.

His job made him feel very important, and Rumpledum wished he could find a way to be even more important. One night, as he sat staring at the Window, he realized that the reason that the Sun wasn't shining through the Window was because the Sun must be circling underneath the Earth getting ready to rise again the next morning. Extending his powers of reasoning as far as they would go, he surmised that it was daytime on the other side of the Earth when it was nighttime in the Village, and that meant that it was nighttime on the other side of the Earth when it was daytime in the Village. This brilliant flash of insight led him to conclude that even when it was daytime in the Village, it was "night hours" elsewhere, so he petitioned the Village leaders to increase his salary, hours and prestige, because, after all, it was ALWAYS night SOMEWHERE for the truly diligent Night Watchman.

Somewhat chagrined by their failure to be more specific, the town leaders acquiesced to Rumpledum's request and increased the levy on the people of the Village, although there were rumblings about "that wasn't what we meant when we wrote the Contract".

Time passed, and Rumpledum thought of more and more things to do to fill his time, and the Village's leaders usually gave in and granted small increases in pay to go along with Rumpledum's new duties. Some people in the Village complained that Rumpledum was consuming too much of the town's resources, but he was providing many services, so there was no great groundswell of public support for ousting Rumpledum, and few people paid attention to Windowgirl when she pointed out that all of Rumpledum's new duties kept him away from the Window much of the time. (Fortunately for the Village, the Bad People never did come.)

One spring day, Rumpledum climbed a ladder to paint the ceiling of the church (Village Ceiling Painter being one of his many supplementary titles), and he noticed that there were flies buzzing around on the Window.

"This will never do", thought Rumpledum. "My primary job has something to do with the Window, so I'm sure I'm supposed to fix this fly problem." He climbed down the ladder and returned with what he thought was the appropriate tool to fix the problem -- a hammer! Needless to say, poor well-meaning-but-dim Rumpledum knocked holes in the Beautiful Window as he tried to smash the flies, and the more holes he knocked in the Window, the more flies came through. He kept swinging his hammer until someone ran into the church and shouted for him to stop, but it was too late. The Window was no longer Beautiful.

Rumpledum was very sorry, and the people of the Village were very sad (Windowgirl in particular cried and cried). The Window was patched with clear glass, which wasn't as beautiful, but was more convenient; after all, what Bad Person would want to bother it now?

The moral of the story is: When you have something precious to lose, make sure someone is watching the watchman.

HEAVY-HANDED LEFT-BRAINED COMMENTARY ON THE FABLE:

The Window represents our Liberty, which we Americans cherish more than most people do. Rumpledum represents the political system that circumvents its contracts, seeks more power for itself, and calls itself Republican/Democrat. Windowgirl, who is named for the object of her passion, represents the Libertarian Party.

The people of the Village made a bad choice; they elected Rumpledum because he was older and bigger, not because he would do a better job than his passionate opponent. In fact, Rumpledum in his misguided ambition neglected his charge until he destroyed it while distracted by another matter. Isn't that just like the Rumpledums in government? They've forgotten their primary duty (protecting our Liberty), expanded the power and influence of government into every aspect of our lives, and smashed holes in our beautiful Liberty with government programs that only make problems worse. If you value Liberty more than mere convenience, if your income and property taxes smash ugly holes in your beautiful Liberty, or if you think programs like cradle-to-grave welfare and the "War on Drugs" only make matters worse, call 1-800-ELECT US and join the people who are passionate about Liberty -- join the Libertarian Party.

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